How to reduce pain during intercourse: home remedies if you aren’t feeling fireworks in the bedroom
If pain with intercourse is something you are currently experiencing, please know you aren’t alone. This is not only very common, but also very treatable. In fact, it’s one of my favorite things to treat. Research shows us that nine out of ten women report pain with sex at some point in their lifetime, that’s staggering.
A few of the primary reasons for pain with intercourse that will be covered in this blog include:
Pelvic floor muscle tension
Nerve irritation
Vaginal dryness
Inadequate lubrication/wrong lubrication
Hormonal issues
Inadequate foreplay
So, hang with me for a bit to learn a little more about how to reduce pain with intercourse via home remedies.
Pelvic Floor Dysfunction and Pain
Of course we’re starting with my wheelhouse, pelvic floor muscle dysfunction.
In case you’re new here, I’ll catch you up to speed. The pelvic floor muscles are a group of muscles at the base of the pelvis that attach front to back (from your tailbone to pubic bone) and side to side (from ischial tuberosity to ischial tuberosity). These muscles tighten (contract) for things like maintaining continence, but also loosen (relax) for things like birthing babies vaginally, pooping, or intercourse.
Pelvic muscle tension and intercourse pain
Weak pelvic floor muscles get a lot of press, but often the issue is more of a tension (too tight) situation when it comes to pain with sex, or any type of pelvic pain for that matter.
I’m sure you’ve experienced jaw tension or upper trap tension when you’re stressed. It’s the same thing down there. Most women don’t even know they have pelvic floor muscles, much less that they’re squeezing them when they’re stressed.
Chronic contracting or squeezing leads to tension, irritating the nerves, which leads to chronic pelvic pain. Pain in the pelvis can present differently for different people, mainly because there is so much going on in the pelvis. Other forms of tension (often seen with painful intercourse include: pain with urination, urinary urgency/frequency, constipation, or chronic pain).
Pelvic floor exercises for painful sex
There’s two ways of going about exercises for painful sex. We will assume the issue is pelvic floor muscle tension, because I’ve never treated anyone for pain with sex who had a truly weak pelvic floor.
Relax the pelvic floor muscles via yoga poses like child’s pose, happy baby, deep squat
Figure out why the pelvic floor muscles are tight, and treat that issue. Common causes I’ve treated in the clinic are:
Tight adductors (inner thigh muscles)
Glute muscle weakness (really common postpartum due to postural changes)
Abdominal scar tissue
Joint issues such as SIJ instability, hip injury, knee issue, ankle issues (like previous ankle sprains)
In my opinion, relaxing the pelvic floor muscles with various yoga poses like child’s pose, happy baby and deep squat usually yields quicker symptom change, but addressing the underlying issue is a more long term solution.
How pelvic floor therapy helps dyspareunia
A good pelvic floor therapist will be able to assess to find the underlying reason why the pain with intercourse is occurring and prescribe exercises that lead to symptom change that truly lasts.
There is always a reason WHY these muscles are so tight. I am a huge advocate for finding that WHY and addressing it.
Seeing a pelvic floor therapist is much different than seeing your OBGYN. While they are a vital part of your care team, they aren’t usually assessing and treating your pelvic floor muscles. They are screening for cancer, assessing your uterus and ovaries, and making sure you maintain a safe pregnancy.
A pelvic floor therapist, on the other hand, is assessing your pelvic floor muscles and the nerves that course through them in an attempt to reproduce the pain you might be experiencing.
Stretches to ease vaginal pain during sex
The main underlying issue I prescribe stretches for is adductor tension (inner thigh muscles). If your adductors are chronically tight or tense, that can overflow and cause pain from your pelvic floor because of the attachment points of both the deep pelvic floor and the adductors.
Patients are often surprised at how tight these muscles are without knowing it! Stretching/mobilizing these will help pelvic floor tension IF that is the root issue.
Postpartum and Post-menopause Causes and Remedies for Painful Sex
Painful sex after childbirth home treatments
There are several reasons that can lead to postpartum pain with intercourse.
Constipation
Scar tissue from c-section
Tailbone injury
Scar tissue from tearing/episiotomy
Hip injury (labrum is most common)
Overactive pelvic floor muscles because of underactive glute muscles
I like to prescribe/recommend a variety of treatments for each of the above, a lot of which can be done at home.
For constipation, there’s a few low hanging fruit recommendations like taking magnesium citrate before bed, drinking enough water throughout the day (60-80 ounces), and eating enough fiber (25-35g/day).
Reminder, constipation can cause several types of pelvic pain and/or leakage because of how it sits directly on top of the pelvic floor muscles. A full rectum is added weight sitting on top of the pelvic floor.
Cupping on the abdomen is fantastic post c-section once the incision is healed. Just use a little bit of body butter, squeeze the cup and place it on the abdomen, and then slide it around. It should feel pretty good! If it is too intense, try letting go of the suction a little. More squeeze = more intense, less squeeze = less intense. You can do this for about 10 minutes/day 3-4x/week.
Unfortunately, there are not as many home remedies for a hip injury or tailbone injury. That is best addressed at an in person appointment.
For overactive pelvic floor muscles secondary to underactive glute muscles, adding in a few glute exercises with a glute band usually works really well after about 4 weeks of isolated glute exercises. Isolating the glutes for 3-4 weeks gives these nerves/muscles time to figure out how to fire together correctly.
Remedies for menopausal pelvic floor pain
In menopause, estrogen levels plummet. Estrogen is what keeps the pelvic floor muscles nice and plump. For most patients, a topical estrogen is very, very effective for treating vaginal dryness and any pain caused by low estrogen levels.
Your provider will have to prescribe this, but the implementation takes place at home!
Lubrication and Vaginal Dryness
Natural lubricants for painful sex
When it comes to natural options, coconut oil is probably the most common go-to. It’s easy to find, inexpensive, and works well for many people. But — a big caveat here — if you’re prone to yeast infections, coconut oil can sometimes make that worse. In that case, it’s best to skip it.
Some people also reach for saliva, but if you’re trying to conceive, you’ll want to avoid it since it can actually interfere with sperm motility.
For safer, clean options, I often recommend brands like Rowe Casa or Good Clean Love. Both are free from irritating additives, and Good Clean Love in particular is my top recommendation because it’s gentle, effective, and formulated specifically for vaginal health.
Home remedies for vaginal dryness
One of the most underrated fixes for vaginal dryness is simply staying hydrated. When you’re dehydrated, your body pulls water from tissues everywhere — your brain, your spinal discs, and yes, even your mucous membranes. That includes the vaginal tissue. So if dryness is something you struggle with, start by checking your water intake.
Another option is NeuEve, which makes vaginal suppositories you can use at home to restore moisture. This is a great option that does not require a prescription.
And don’t forget about hyaluronic acid. You may know it as a skincare ingredient for glowing, plump skin, but it can also be used as a vaginal moisturizer. It helps tissue stay hydrated and supple, making intimacy more comfortable.
Why dryness causes pain during sex
Think of this as a series of events: a multi-step process that usually unfolds over time.
Estrogen is what keeps vaginal tissues plump, supple, and healthy. When estrogen levels drop (like during perimenopause, breastfeeding, or even certain fertility treatments), those tissues become thinner and drier. Picture the difference between a plump piece of chicken and one that’s been sitting out too long and dried out — that’s the effect of de-estrogenated tissue.
When tissues lose estrogen, they don’t function the way they once did. This can contribute to things like stress incontinence or even pelvic organ prolapse. In response, the pelvic floor muscles often kick into overdrive, becoming overactive in an attempt to “protect” against leakage or worsening prolapse.
But here’s the catch: overactive muscles tend to stay tight. Tight muscles can compress nerves in the pelvis or just create a constant state of tension. Add dryness on top of that, and penetration becomes painful: burning, stinging, or deep ache type of pain.
Emotional and Stress-Related Causes for Pain with Intercourse
Anxiety-related painful sex remedies
Just like your jaw or upper trap muscles tighten in response to stress, your pelvic floor muscles can too. In fact, the jaw and pelvic floor develop on the same day in utero, which is why they often mirror each other.
When you’re anxious, your pelvic floor muscles can become chronically tight — even if you don’t realize it. This tension can lead to constipation, urinary urgency and frequency, pain with bowel movements or urination, pain with sex, tailbone pain, and chronic pelvic pain.
If anxiety is driving that muscle tension, the goal of treatment is to calm the nervous system. I often recommend yoga-based movements like child’s pose, happy baby, deep squat, cat-cow, and thread-the-needle, along with thoracic rotations and even daily walks. These help the body “down-train” from fight-or-flight and release some of that built-up pelvic tension.
Stress and its effect on pelvic pain
Of course, exercise and movement only get us so far if the stress itself is never addressed. Stress has a very real impact on the body — especially the pelvic floor. When stress is constant, the nervous system stays in a heightened state, keeping muscles tight and nerves irritated.
That’s why it’s important to step back and ask the bigger questions: What’s driving my stress? Is it something I can control? Something I can’t control but need new coping strategies for? Or is it a situation I may need to remove myself from altogether?
Techniques like meditation, breathwork, and restorative yoga can help calm the nervous system in the moment, but addressing the root cause of stress is what creates lasting relief — for your mind, your body, and your pelvic floor.
How to relax before intercourse
I like to think of this in two parts. First, if your pelvic floor muscles are tight, they’re tight for a reason. It’s important to get to the root cause rather than just chasing short-term relief. For example, are your pelvic floor muscles overactive because of abdominal scar tissue? Because your adductors (inner thighs) are compensating? Because your glutes are underactive, creating instability at your SI joint? Or maybe low back issues are feeding into it. Whatever the reason, addressing the why is what leads to long-term, lasting change — instead of a quick fix you have to repeat over and over.
That being said, there are things you can do in the moment to help your body relax before intercourse. Think of these as short-term tools to calm the muscles and the nervous system so intimacy is more comfortable.
For direct pelvic floor relaxation, I often recommend three yoga poses: deep squat, child’s pose, and happy baby.
For nervous system calming, I like two more: cat-cow (spinal flexion and extension) and thread-the-needle (thoracic rotation).
The key with all of these positions is not just being in the pose, but actually focusing on letting the muscles go while you’re there. That’s the whole point — and it’s much harder than it sounds.
Mind-body techniques for painful sex
Your body is incredibly smart, and your brain’s number one job is to protect you from pain. Unfortunately, if intercourse has been a repeatedly painful experience, your brain may start to anticipate that pain and respond by trying to “protect” you.
The pelvic floor muscles are especially anticipatory. If your body expects penetration to hurt, those muscles often tighten up in advance as a form of guarding. The problem is, that very tension only makes penetration more painful — creating a frustrating cycle.
This is where mind-body techniques come in. One powerful tool is simply telling your body, “You’re safe. You’re safe. You’re safe.” Reassuring your nervous system in this way can help down-train the protective reflex and allow your muscles to soften.
Another essential practice is breathwork. Focus on breathing deeply into your abdomen, not just shallow breaths into your upper chest. Expanding the belly and ribcage with each inhale signals safety to your nervous system and can help your pelvic floor muscles release their grip.
Home Remedies for Painful Intercourse
How to reduce pain during intercourse: home remedies
If you’ve been dealing with painful sex, know that you’re not alone — and there are simple things you can try at home to make intimacy more comfortable. While every woman’s situation is different, these remedies are a great place to start:
Use a natural lubricant – Coconut oil, aloe vera, or clean brands like Good Clean Love can reduce friction and irritation. Just remember to avoid coconut oil if you’re prone to yeast infections, and skip saliva if you’re trying to conceive.
Stay hydrated – Vaginal tissues are mucous membranes, and just like your mouth or sinuses, they need water to stay healthy. Dehydration can make dryness worse.
Try a vaginal moisturizer – Options like hyaluronic acid or NuEve suppositories can help tissues stay supple and reduce discomfort.
Gentle stretching and yoga – Positions like child’s pose, happy baby, and deep squat help relax the pelvic floor before intimacy.
Mind-body relaxation – Deep abdominal breathing, meditation, or even repeating to yourself “I’m safe” can calm the nervous system and reduce muscle guarding.
Warm compress or bath – Applying heat to the pelvic area or taking a warm bath before sex can help muscles relax and ease discomfort.
These home remedies can go a long way toward reducing pain during intercourse, but if you find that pain persists, it’s important to look deeper. Sometimes pelvic floor muscle dysfunction, hormonal changes, or scar tissue are the underlying culprits — and that’s where working with a pelvic floor physical therapist can make a world of difference.
Natural remedies for dyspareunia
Dyspareunia is the medical term for painful sex, and while it can feel overwhelming, there are natural ways to address it at home. Many of the same strategies we’ve already talked about — like using clean, natural lubricants, staying hydrated, and practicing pelvic floor relaxation through yoga poses such as child’s pose, happy baby, and deep squat — can make a big difference.
Breathwork and nervous-system calming movements like cat-cow and thread-the-needle are also key tools. These don’t just address the muscles, but help your whole system down-train out of fight-or-flight mode, which is often part of the pain cycle.
At-home treatment for painful sex
One of the most helpful tools I often recommend to patients is a pelvic floor wand. These can be purchased from several websites, but my go-to brand is Intimate Rose. A wand allows you to work on your pelvic floor muscles manually at home. If I’m treating you in the clinic, I’ll typically give a more precise, customized home program with your wand — but even on your own, this tool can be a game-changer.
If you notice pain is worse on one side, check your balance on that side compared to the other. Often decreased balance goes hand-in-hand with mobility or strength issues, so you’ll want to focus on stretching and mobility on that side. If both sides are equally tight or painful, single-leg stretching and strengthening on both sides can help.
It’s also worth taking a step back and asking: did my pain with intercourse start around a stressful life period? If so, your nervous system may be playing a big role, and calming strategies may be just as important as physical ones.
For women who are post C-section, abdominal scar tissue can also contribute to pelvic floor overactivity. Techniques like abdominal yoga and cupping over the scar may help decrease tension and improve pain with intercourse.
Pain with sex is never “just in your head,” and it’s not something you have to live with. These home remedies can help reduce discomfort, but if your pain continues, it may be a sign of something deeper that needs attention. Working with a pelvic floor physical therapist can help identify and treat the root cause so you can find lasting relief.
Where to Find Treatment for Pain with Intercourse In East Texas
If you’re struggling with pain during intercourse, good news! We are currently accepting new patients and Texas Pelvic Health is here to help. At Texas Pelvic Health, we offer specialized pelvic floor physical therapy to help alleviate pain with intercourse. We are currently accepting new patients in Rockwall, Canton, and Sulphur Springs. If you are interested in scheduling an appointment, please request an appointment here and someone from our team will reach out to you to get you scheduled.
